A spiritual understanding for forgiveness was missing for me in spite of my religious upbringing, or maybe because of it. Forgiveness was an effort to get God back on my side, and I wasn’t a very confident all the time that it worked! I felt so much guilt that deep down I thought it’d be impossible for God to forgive me if He really knew me.
Oh my! What a tortuous condition to be in, but that’s how I lived from the age of six, when a particularly harsh experience of abuse made me think I was wicked and unforgiveable. Although eventually, after decades of living above the turmoil of this deep conviction, I did succeed in forgiving myself when I realised that my childish belief wasn’t the truth at all, some of that still stuck to me. They say the devil doesn’t easily let go of its own, and up to that time, the feeling was that I was somehow evil! The desolation of this emotional stance can’t be imagined by anyone who hasn’t experienced it themselves.
I now know that everyone feels a sense of guilt, and everyone needs to learn to forgive themselves, because it doesn’t come naturally. What we have been taught forgiveness is, is completely inadequate. True forgiveness of ourselves (and of other people) is based on some deep spiritual understandings. Religion doesn’t go there, sorry to say; religion has crippled many a mind with the short-comings of its teachings.
Forgiving yourself, others, God and Life, is a process we might imagine we know how to do, or you might even think that it isn’t necessary.
In a world of egos, true forgiveness is a miracle: miracles that give us new happiness and new ability to love and experience being loved.
The indefatigable Spirit has given me much, and my inner life is constantly being transformed. It’s my turn to help my younger brothers and sisters on the path through writing a series of booklets soon to become available. These offer larger visions of the Catholic Church’s teachings, such as on the vows nuns make – Poverty, Chastity and Obedience, which have unfortunately trickled down to Catholics life and even to the whole of Western society. See My Services page for more.
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